Recently, while perusing through my social media feed, I came across a post from a parenting blog that caught my attention. The author, a mother, expressed her resentment towards the times her parents compelled her to attend family gatherings when she would rather be with her friends or engrossed in a book. She vowed to be a different kind of parent, one that would allow her child the freedom to do as she pleased. Assuming the child is neurotypical and the family environment is non-abusive, this declaration raised some concerns for me. 
While I am an absolute pusher of self-kindness and self-awareness - all the self's really, it made me question when the concepts of "self-care" and "boundaries" became so prominent in our understanding of psychology. 

In our quest to cater to our needs, are we losing the essence of meaningful relationships? That should be two separate focuses..but is it?

The United States, compared to other cultures, is highly individualistic. We are nurtured to be self-reliant and independent, to act according to our own interests and desires. This is in stark contrast to collective societies, common in the Eastern hemisphere, where decisions are made based on the welfare of the larger group. The needs of the individual are secondary to those of the community. My concern is that under the guise of "boundaries" and "self-care", we may be pushing the envelope of individualism a bit too far.

Don't misunderstand me; fostering autonomy and self-reliance is crucial for personal development and growth. However, when self-interest becomes the primary objective, we risk overlooking the significance of community and authentic human connections. An excessive focus on “self-care” could impede our capacity to empathize, support, and connect with others.

Relationships form the foundation of a healthy society and necessitate effort and compromise. Numerous studies highlight strong social connection as a key determinant of overall health and longevity. On the flip side, research has linked loneliness with depression and anxiety. So why do we emphasize so much of care isolated from a group?

Scrolling through my feed, I see numerous posts encouraging people to celebrate singledom, and I can't help but worry about the long-term implications. After all, data suggests that loving, romantic relationships can be among the most fulfilling relationships we ever experience.

There seems to be an abundance of content dedicated to identifying “toxic” traits in others and providing advice on how to remove unhealthy individuals from your life. The outcome, I fear, is isolation and loneliness. In our quest for self-care, it's easy to fall into a mindset that places personal satisfaction above everything else.

However, nurturing meaningful relationships is one of the best forms of self-care. True contentment often stems from fostering deep connections with others. To revive the art of forming relationships, we need to reevaluate the role of compromise in our interactions.

When faced with a choice between solitary activities or social engagements, I urge people to contemplate the effects of their decisions on their emotional health and the well-being of those around them. Occasional personal compromise does not equate to codependence.

Self-care is vital, but not if it leads to isolation and avoidance. Genuine self-care involves finding a balance between our individual needs and our obligation to nurture meaningful relationships. It requires creating room for personal growth while also investing time and energy to foster healthy, supportive relationships.

In an increasingly individualistic society, I believe we need to challenge ourselves to dismantle the walls that divide us and appreciate the value of interdependence. The pursuit of personal growth should coincide with our efforts to connect with others. After all, the ability to form relationships is what makes us truly human.

So next time you sit down with a cup of tea from your favorite online tea store or light one of those candles for sale during your meditation session, remember that self-care also involves nurturing connections with others. Because at the end of the day, we are social beings who thrive on meaningful relationships.

Until next time, Koi Monkeys